Warm leatherette (Spontaneous Vehicular Combustion)

dug dug Follow Sep 18, 2002 · 1 min read
one burnt to shit jeep
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Ok, in a week where it looked like nothing unusual was going to happen, something finally did.

At exactly 02:44 (Nicki watches the clock all night long) I hear a horn that might be Nicki’s car, go out in my jim jams and find our jeep on fire surrounded by firemen trying to get the bonnet open. Apparently, there’s no sign of forced entry so they reckon it’s a fault with the car.

I was reminded of that awful scene in Fight Club:

Two technicians lead jack to the burnt-out shell of a wrecked automobile. Jack sets down his briefcase, opens it and starts to make notes on a clip-boarded form.

Jack (v.o.): I’m a recall coordinator. my job is to apply the formula. it’s a story problem.

Technician 1: Here’s where the infant went through the windshield. three points.

Jack (v.o.): A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 miles per hour. the rear differential locks up.

Technician 2: The teenager’s braces around the backseat ashtray would make a good “anti-smoking” ad.

Jack (v.o.): The car crushes and burns with everyone trapped inside. now: do we initiate a recall?

Technician 1: The fathers must’ve been huge. see how the fat burnt into the driver’s seat with the polyester shirt? very “modern art”.

Jack (v.o.): Take the number of vehicles in the field (a), multiply it by the probable rate of failure (b), then multiply the result by the average out-of-court settlement ©. a times b times c equals x. If x is less that the cost of a recall, we don’t do one.

It would be good if this didn’t happen when Nick was driving :-( Have you got a similar jeep? Do you know of this happening to a friend - let me know

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Written by dug Follow
Hiya, life goes like this. Step 1: Get out of bed. Step 2: Make things better:-)