Ok, so I never thought it would ever happen to me.
I could never work out what people thought was so great about cars? My bike has a catalytic converter—yup, it sacrifices lovely horsepower to reprocess unspent fuel molecules so that when I do doughnuts in front of the little kids outside the Seven-Eleven their little lungs aren’t hurt. Even with my bike hobbled, it still runs the pants off anything on four wheels and is just plain fun to drive. Not only that, it’s personal, I not remember my wife’s birthday, but I remember picking up Baby, my 1982 Kawasaki Z1000J2 on the evening of october 10th 1985. I remember walking over to her (large, black, shiny) body as she rested in her seller’s garage. I put the key in the ignition, turned the tumbler and fell in love.
So anyway, getting a bit side-tracked there—my point was that I couldn’t see any fun at all in car ownership. Not only that, I’ve always thought those big american SUVs were just plain silly, and burned way too much fossil fuel (never mind the fact that they obliterate any other car in an accident…) and I couldn’t see the point and you’d never get me in one of them, and if you did, I’d give it up no trouble for the right reasons if I had to.
So I walk out to the new Jeep, get in (air conditioning), slot Fox Base Alpha into the CD player (not listened to that in years but what a classic album) and floor it down Woodchurch road. I’m tooling down the road with the CD cranked all the way, the aircon going and I’m hitting the speedbumps at high speed, not quite bottoming out the massive wishbones, I get to Waitrose and dive into the underground car park at high speed (slippery floor, lots of lovely tyre squealing) missing the concrete pillars by a hair (this beast is big) and finish up parked right in front of the lift.
Or, in other words, I was driving like a cunt.
Now, normally I wouldn’t. But I’m embarrassed to say it was fun, very fun. A particularly selfish, non-inclusive nasty kind of fun. I think at this point, we’re going to need a bout of legislation to get me out of that car;-)