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Dear Faiq,
My daughter is 18 weeks old. She has never heard her father raise his voice, and I hope she never does so again. This morning, after saying goodbye to you, I had to do my best to calm her as she sensed the tension in the air, shattering her otherwise perfect, loving environment. It took a good ten minutes to convince her that the world was a safe place and that her parents were going to be ok.
I can only conclude, Faiq, that you are a malevolent person, an evil man who will take his place to the left hand of the lord when he dies. I hope I am mistaken in my appraisal of your character, and I must urge you, one more time, as we are unfortunately attached, until one of us sells our share in West End Lane, to reconsider your attitude and to take a more helpful, cooperative and collaborative aproach to your relationship with Herbfords Residents Association.
Every time we talk, you tell me you are a businessman. I tell you this: this building is my family’s home. West End Lane is not a slum for you to lord over, it is a structure housing four independent families who care about its upkeep and ongoing. These people do not approve of the remote, rent collecting landlord in their midst.
If you were a businessman, you would have payed me for organising a builder to repair your abandonned masonry. You would have payed me a contractor’s fee to supervise, manage and otherwise daily involve myself in the works. You would have payed me to be vigilant, and to immediately call the police when it appeared someone might be climbing the scaffolding. You would pay me for finding a cleaner and for providing her with a hoover, bags and other consumables. You would pay me for keep my kitchen stocked with the necessary odds and ends of day to day buildings maintenance. This would a business contract make.
Are you prepared to pay me for all the work I have done for you?
On the phone this morning, you accused me of being a terrorist, of supporting or condonning terror tactics. If I had said the same of you, you would have called me a racist. What are you saying Faiq? Are you unhappy with the US’s treatment of prisonners in it’s Guantanamo Bay Camp X-Ray facillity? Perhaps some day you would like to explain to me were you stand on civil rights issues.
You ask me how long I have lived in this country. What do you mean Faiq? Are you asking me which team I support in cricket, you evil biggot? Is that it? Am I somehow not as English as you, by coincidence of birth or geography? What are you saying Faiq? Spit it out, would you?