So the England team’s practice sessions are being spied upon by “Zoom lenses hidden in golf carts” and celebrities sunning sans clothes are violated by zoom lenses that “literally reach in and pull the image out”.

What ever happened to the good old telephoto lens?

Does it now sound too quaint, too much like talking about a card reader or a Telex machine or some other not-quite-up-to-the-minute technology? I’d settle on “long” lens–as the term refers to the focal length of the device, and a zoom lens could after all, be a 21-55mm (not very useful for pulling out celebrity nipples).

Oh, and in the seventies, there was some talk about the French government making it illegal for French film crews to use zoom lenses and being forced to use “objectifs de longueur focale variable” instead (at which point someone mentioned that it was a couple of French guys, Roger Cuvillier and Richard (Jean) Cornu. that invented it in 1949)</pedantry>